Think I'm starting to get depressed again. Questioning the purpose of life. The purpose of my life. What's the point? Questioning my abilities, feeling like I can't do shit. There's no reason for me to get depressed like this. Things keep getting better, really. I finally have a secure income, and so does Roze. We've started saving up, and we can actually afford to save quite a lot while still living a comfortable life. Eventually we'll be able to get a pet of some kind. He wants a lizard, I want a kitten - either is fine by me as long as it's cuddly.

But what's the point of it all? Mankind is doomed by its stupidity and nothing I do in this world will save us. I can't save mankind, and I can't even save any other species living on this doomed planet either. For all I know, we're probably ruining the balance of the entire universe as well. Fuck. And knowing it all comes to an end, I don't see the point of enjoying it while it lasts. I wish I was a farmer, so I could have a job with a solid purpose - the job would simply be to feed myself and the family in order to survive.

I saw an ad about a meeting for wannabe volunteers in Africa. It's tempting. That's real life. Not this electronic "omg, the internet disconnected, I'M DOOOMED" kind of world. Africa is a place with real problems.

Yet I don't really feel like helping Africa either. There are still people alive who can remember the world having a total population of only 2,000,000,000 people. Now we're almost 7,000,000,000 unless we already crossed the line. Science and medical advancements have helped us save the life of so many people that the sheer numbers are now killing the entire planet instead. You probably think I'm an asshole for not wanting to help the poor starving children, but I really don't see how we can keep up being this many. I mean.. A family living in a house with four rooms will probably be a happy family of four. If you increase it to eight family members, they could still be happy. But when they start having kids of their own, making mom and dad grandparents, it's starts getting crowded. And nowadays, it's not uncommon for grandparents to live to see yet another generation, and this little house with four rooms is absolutely crowded. Normally this family would split up and the elder kids would move out to their own houses - but this is a friggin planet. There's no more room. WE'RE DOOMED, DOOMED I TELL YOU.

So what the hell is the purpose of my life? If I'm not doing any good I might as well not do anything at all.

Though I'm too much of a coward to end it before I'm 80-odd years old.