The new "New Journal Entry" page scared me for a second, I thought my subscription was gone - no header or footer or CSS boxes anywhere. Then I found the new Options tab, and I like that idea. Since I rarely try new skins and I figured I'd use this skin forever and ever, I probably won't figure out how the new skin system works in a long time, but you kids can play with it.



I don't really have a lot to say this time, just thought I should update you on what's going on lately. Which isn't much, to be honest.

Half a year ago I started going depressed again. I lived in a more or less constant state of depression until 2007, and after that I had at least a year and a half of happy happy joy joy. But all good things end, so half a year ago I started feeling it all again. I felt I wasn't where I wanted to be, things hadn't gone the way I wanted them to, and I had unfulfilled dreams to deal with. I ended up quitting my job, and felt good for a while, daydreaming about how everything was going to get better. Planning the trip to `Zikes also kept me happy, and life was back to not-quite-so-depressed.

And then the day came when I had my last day at work. All the money we'd saved up disappeared on various shopping sprees. I didn't have the discipline to stay focused on starting my own business more than a few hours a day - if that much. I realized it was probably a mistake to go unemployed again. Then three weeks of glorious Forget It All in the US came and life was wonderful and great and awesome. No worries at all.

After that it was back to "normal". No more daydreaming about what'll happen after I leave my job - I've already left it. No more daydreaming about how much fun it'll be in the US - I've already been there. No more daydreaming about the kitten we'll get - we're not getting it. All I've got left are the feelings of inadequacy, of stupidity, of not belonging, and a lot of other negative stuff.

What's nagging me is this constant voice telling me "but, you should be happy!". I have several things to be happy about. Big things. For reasons I'm not really sure of, I don't want to list those things here, but they're important enough that my voice keeps telling me that I should be happy. I really should.

I've been checking recent job ads a couple of times the past weeks. I'm looking for something to keep me busy 2-3 days a week. Updated my resume for the first time since I applied for my last job a year ago. Can't quite bring myself to write an application yet, because it's difficult when you're feeling like a no-good lazy couch potato. I'll get to that eventually.

Might try to go offline a bit. I've been living on dAmn for too long now, and most of the time I just sit in my computer chair and stare at the empty, quiet chat room. Can't tell you how many times I'm thinking I should get off my butt and do something, but the small chance that someone will actually say something interesting keeps me glued to my chair, and I sit there like a zombie. Not sure yet what I'll do offline, but today I started decorating a set of mini drawers I bought from IKEA earlier this year, so I might go on decorating stuff. Only finished two drawers today for testing purposes, so there are plenty of drawers left for... tomorrow.

IKEA FIRA mini drawers on a red LACK.


IKEA FIRA mini drawer being decorated with decoupage.

So if anyone has any ideas for what to do offline, feel free to fill me in and I could make a list. The longer the list, the better. I could make a suggestions hat, and whenever I need something to do I just pull out any of your suggestions and do it. Could be interesting.

Hm, maybe I'll sit down and sort all the UFS cards numerically. Almost finished it a year ago, but been busy since then.

Journal CSS by `nokari